homemade blues

I'm in a hotel, with the boys and G - just having a weekend away from home.

G made it back home yesterday (or else I have to drive by myself!), and both of us drove all the way to SP today. The plan is to eat! Since Mokz and Nora are already here, they'll be our food guide. And I trust Mokz's tummy... :)

I was on MC yesterday. The day before, already woke up with a headache, but went to work anyway since I had a workshop to attend. Tough luck, lunch was delayed to after 1pm, and by then, my head was throbbing like mad (angin dah naik ke kepala) - my veins felt like they were going to burst. Ok la, 'twasn't so dramatic, but enough to make me skip the afternoon session and get MC yesterday.

I know what my boss may be thinking of me. I've been on MC a lot these past few months. Not by my own design, though. What can I do if I have 2 types of intermittent headache attacks? The vertigo type, and this "angin" (wind) type - which, by the way, can lead to a severe migraine.

So do I care what she thinks of me? I guess I do. As I've been saying of late, I MALAS to get my a$$ to work. I question my drive, I question my morals, I question my life-purpose... And ok lah, I admit, I do take every opportunity available to skip work. This of course doesn't bode well for my supposedly aspirational career path. I feel guilty, and slightly ashamed. I don't want to leave a legacy of "bad" behaviour, but... I dunno. I'm so impulsive nowadays. I'm not sure where my rational head went. Sometimes I think I sabotage myself. On self-destruct mode. Hmm... that's an interesting thought.

But in any case, I can't come right out and say it like it is, right? So I slink away quietly? Leaving those questioning minds unanswered, and disappear into oblivion?

Argh. I've only got a month plus to go! Steadfastness, don't fail me now! I have to prevail!