It's been a while since we actually had a getaway. Although G is working, the boys and me get to leave home and stay in a hotel for 2 nights... Hehe. I'm go glad G knows people. We got a nice room! Apparently Datuk Siti Nurhaliza stayed in this very same room once. Will update pictures when I can...
Now where do I go? Gotta google what's "happening" in Alor Setar. Can't be cooped up in the hotel room all day, right?
I was reading Wild Thistle's entry today about history at Blethering Session and I was compelled to write an entry about it.
Being of Malay-Chinese parentage in Malaysia (or even in Singapore) has its pros and cons. I am somewhat accepted by the Malays because of my name and religion, and I'm somewhat accepted by the Chinese because of my blood - you would know if you know how clannish the Chinese are. Or the Kelantanese, for that matter. Anyhow, do I get the best of both worlds? Sometimes. I don't get considered as stupid and ignorant by my Chinese friends, and I get some of the privileges my Malay half is entitled to. Strangely enough, I get the impression from the Chinese people I know that they consider my blood diluted by my Malay half, but the Malays considered me enriched by the Chinese half. Interesting? In case you're wondering, my blood is still the same red color as the next human being... ;)
But that's how it is... Even so, I consider myself more Malay in some aspects, and more Chinese in some other aspects, depending on the subject matter. When it comes to ethnic loyalty however, I find myself skewed to the plight of the Malays. I feel sad when Malays don't take advantage of the priviliges that they are given. I feel sad when Malays are easily complacent when they have power and wealth. I feel sad when Malays step on, back stab, conspire, get paranoid and envy other Malays that they consider more superior in any way.
Envy. This is a powerful word. I sincerely believe that this the problem that Malays have. I don't know whether it's ingrained in our genes, or whether it's centuries of culture, or whether it's colonial strategy, but even since the olden days, I think that envy is the easiest downfall for most Malays. Isn't there a theory somewhere that Jebat killed Tuah because of envy?
Anyway, with reference to the present, I don't have to go far for an example. This base is rife with examples. The easiest one I can think of is when Nora and Mokz got their Peugeot 206. Or even when G and I got our Mazda 5. Nora and Mokz were the talk of the town. How can he, a senior AirDef major, and she, a housewife, afford to have 2 cars? Maybe he's on the take? And within weeks, some neighbours and friends (who are supposedly making more money than them) upgraded their cars. Don't matter whether it'll cost an arm or a leg or a serious family budget deficit. There are rep(utation)s to protect. Same goes for my neighbourhood.
It's always who has the latest gadgets, who's got the bigger / more expensive car, or chinaware, or clothes, or bling... And not only material stuff. Who's got the smarter child, who's got more maids, who's got more loving husbands, who's got the boss's ear, who's more popular at work... It's a competition. A race.
Even during uni days, the Chinese will study together, take notes for each other, keep a lookout on mates who are academically falling behind, play on their strengths on different subjects. The seniors will take care of the juniors, give their notes and reference books, give samples of past exams or quizzes. The Malays? Some will spend the first JPA allowance on a motorbike. There will be one or two groups that will make an effort to copy the Chinese, but if you're on the dean's list all the time, you're too smart for the rest of us. Maybe you've got a spiritual guide? You're chummy with the prof lah, that's why. Etc....
The way I see it, envy is a problem of all mankind. But the Chinese, they will use envy to better themselves. The Malays, on the other hand, their envy makes them paranoid.
That's all I have to say for now. I've got to pick up D from school.
p.s. "Pakcik" (old boyfriend) called me up 3 days ago. It's been one year? two years? oh well, yonks, since he last called. He suggested to meet and catch up. Should I? Hmmm.
Yesterday I sent Faiz, Fairul and Ann to the airport to KB. As much as I miss the little fella, it's good to go back to normalcy. And it just reminds me that I'm so not ready to have another small person in the house. It's now Fairul's turn to procreate. Haha.
But I did get the hang of bathing and washing-up a newborn eventually - and always ending up drenched in sweat! Like spending half an hour on the treadmill! It was great fun, and great practice. I only bathed my 2 boys a few times when they were newborns... Always it was my mother-in-law or my mom or the maid...
I also used the time that Ann spent in the house to share with her my experiences - dealing with children, dealing with husbands, dealing with mom-in-laws, dealing with moms, dealing with going back to work after maternity leave... I hope I managed to impart "some" of the knowledge that I have accumulated through the years. I thought it was great bonding moment. I hope she felt the same, although at some point, I did catch myself blabbing on and on like an old lady... :)
On another note, G's going away to Kuching next week for work. So the house will be even quieter. I know G is worried. I see it in his eyes when he comes home. I know he holds himself responsible for what happened with Abah and Ustaz H, although we all went into the project with our eyes wide open. And I know he doesn't want to worry me. But what can I do... I'm by nature a worrier. A natural worry-wort. I worry about my grandchildren already... :)
I just have to keep positive, lend a shoulder and an ear to G when he needs to vent, and not let G know the extent of my worry. Because if he knows how worried I am, he will be more worried. And I don't want the house to be any quieter than it already is...
April 5, at approximately 9am plus2x, Faiz Irfan was born. The first child of my youngest brother, he was thought to be a girl (since no conclusion on his gender could be made during the numerous ultrasound scans my sister-in-law went through), but he's a healthy male, all right. As it is now, he's diagnosed with jaundice - so he's been in the hospital, under the UV lamp(s) for the past 2 days. We're not so worried, but there's, of course, some major anxiety from the new parents... But we hope the baby will be home by end of this week, latest.
So this new arrival makes it 5 grandsons for my parents - 2 boys are mine, my adopted brother also just had another baby boy and his eldest son is now 4 years old. And now Faiz. No grand-daughters yet. Well, don't expect anything from me. This factory is closed. :)
I did talk to G about having another one. He said, if it happens, then he accepts is as a gift from Allah, but we're not going to work at it. He has a valid point. He'll be the big 40 next year, and he says,"I can't be chasing after a 7 year old when I'm nearing 50, can I?" Hmmm... I'll be nearing the big 4-0 myself soon. And we do have to be practical about it. With the escalating costs of raising children these days (and the near future), G and I had earlier decided that we wanted to be able to give our children the best we can possibly give. It'll just be a matter of time for us to have our own grandchildren later...
Another interesting story to share - on Monday, I was - sort of - cleaning out some papers and I found my diaries, from 1994 and 1995 (no blogging then). It was my first and second year in uni, and I was going through some emotionally tumultuos times (as usual) with friends, boyfriends, etc. I was laughing out loud when I read those entries - there weren't much. I'd write for a few days, and then there's no entries for a couple of months, and then I'd write again... But I got a pretty rough idea what kind of life I had back then. I called Ayu up and told her about it, and both she and I had a good laugh how silly we were about things that seemed earth-shattering then. And it's good to see how we have evolved to where we are now.
Looking back, there were things I did and decisions I made, that I was not proud of. I realized then, and am reminded now, that however small or pointless our words or actions may seem to us, it has the potential to hurt someone's feelings. And vice versa. I wonder, where are those people who had a part (whether large or small) to play in my life then. I have lost contact with most of them, and remained in touch with only a few... I think it's better this way. There are memories that I wish to keep out of my mind forever. And bringing those memories back will not do anyone any good. I will settle with just entertaining thoughts of what my life would be now if things had turned out differently. I believe it would be very different indeed...
As I write this entry, we are anxiously waiting for news of Cik Su - she's in labor... I got a call from Papa this morning at 2am. And while Ayah Su travels post-haste from KB to KL, G and I went to the Maternity Hospital, HKL, as requested. When we got there at about 3am, we got to know that we are definitely not allowed to enter the labor room (where Cik Su is at) - only her husband is - and even her parents had left for home. So we made an executive decision to go home as well and come back again in the morning...
9.30am: I just got a phone call from Ayah Su - it's a BOY!!! Woo-hoo!!! Eh, wait a minute... Now Ibu has 5 grandsons. No grand-daughters yet... Oh dear. Haha.
Ok. Gotta get everybody ready for the trip to HKL. Will update this entry later.
Perhaps I get bored easily. I figured it was again time to change how my blog is presented to whomever is interested to read it, and so... I got this from Blogger Templates. I like it. But I've got to figure out how to remove the navigation tabs since I'm not going to use it - for now...
I took this picture when I stopped at a traffic light. It was a beautiful, clear, blue-sky day. Too beautiful to not capture it on camera...
This entry is not about anything really. I'm still considering my options... (ref my earlier entry) and I am happy to say that I'm happy. I spoke to a few people about my "predicament" (so-called) and well, I've got mixed feedback. But all in all, everyone just wants me to be happy. My greatest fear is to talk to Ibu. Isn't that any child's greatest fear - disappointing your parent(s)? Well, it certainly is mine. As usual, I have a great deal of expectation of myself, so of course, this is all unnecessarily stressful. I know.
I mentioned it to Along - my take on all the years of indoctrination (haha) by my family (or at least, the women in my family), is that, to be less in-dependent, is to be less successful. But I take it positively. It is always better to have a dual-income family rather than a single income. What more in the bleak outlook of the global economy...
One thing for certain, I believe God has shown me some options. Just yesterday, I asked Fairul to buy newspapers for me, and lo and behold, there were advertisements on some short writing courses. Which just happened to catch my eye. I don't know why but it just struck me that I have options to pursue my love/liking/talent of writing. I'm not saying that I'd be writing the next Harry Potter series. But I don't know why it struck me as NOT being just a coincidence... Hmmm...
In any case, I'm thinking it's again time for change. Whether I like it or not. My life itself has had a major change this year. Personally, professionally, emotionally, physically. I've reconnected with friends, and family, and most importantly, myself. It's been a good first three months of 2009. All things considered. Going forward, there will be more change, and it's just how to adapt.
I took this picture when I went to check on a school for D. I haven't seen this tree lizard since I was a small girl back in the day (haha).
One thing to share, I texted Sharon B while waiting for D to finish his mengaji lesson, and so I found out why she wasn't working since Jan 21 (she's back to work, btw)... Apparently, she underwent an operation to remove a tumor! Thank God it wasn't malignant, and she was on one month's MC. That was why she called me to meet up. It just got me thinking again how precious life is. Sometimes, you just gotta do what you gotta do.
p.s. I forgot - today's April 1st. But the above entry is NOT an April Fool's joke.
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