homemade blues

I was reading Wild Thistle's entry today about history at Blethering Session and I was compelled to write an entry about it.

Being of Malay-Chinese parentage in Malaysia (or even in Singapore) has its pros and cons. I am somewhat accepted by the Malays because of my name and religion, and I'm somewhat accepted by the Chinese because of my blood - you would know if you know how clannish the Chinese are. Or the Kelantanese, for that matter. Anyhow, do I get the best of both worlds? Sometimes. I don't get considered as stupid and ignorant by my Chinese friends, and I get some of the privileges my Malay half is entitled to. Strangely enough, I get the impression from the Chinese people I know that they consider my blood diluted by my Malay half, but the Malays considered me enriched by the Chinese half. Interesting? In case you're wondering, my blood is still the same red color as the next human being... ;)

But that's how it is... Even so, I consider myself more Malay in some aspects, and more Chinese in some other aspects, depending on the subject matter. When it comes to ethnic loyalty however, I find myself skewed to the plight of the Malays. I feel sad when Malays don't take advantage of the priviliges that they are given. I feel sad when Malays are easily complacent when they have power and wealth. I feel sad when Malays step on, back stab, conspire, get paranoid and envy other Malays that they consider more superior in any way.

Envy. This is a powerful word. I sincerely believe that this the problem that Malays have. I don't know whether it's ingrained in our genes, or whether it's centuries of culture, or whether it's colonial strategy, but even since the olden days, I think that envy is the easiest downfall for most Malays. Isn't there a theory somewhere that Jebat killed Tuah because of envy?

Anyway, with reference to the present, I don't have to go far for an example. This base is rife with examples. The easiest one I can think of is when Nora and Mokz got their Peugeot 206. Or even when G and I got our Mazda 5. Nora and Mokz were the talk of the town. How can he, a senior AirDef major, and she, a housewife, afford to have 2 cars? Maybe he's on the take? And within weeks, some neighbours and friends (who are supposedly making more money than them) upgraded their cars. Don't matter whether it'll cost an arm or a leg or a serious family budget deficit. There are rep(utation)s to protect. Same goes for my neighbourhood.

It's always who has the latest gadgets, who's got the bigger / more expensive car, or chinaware, or clothes, or bling... And not only material stuff. Who's got the smarter child, who's got more maids, who's got more loving husbands, who's got the boss's ear, who's more popular at work... It's a competition. A race.

Even during uni days, the Chinese will study together, take notes for each other, keep a lookout on mates who are academically falling behind, play on their strengths on different subjects. The seniors will take care of the juniors, give their notes and reference books, give samples of past exams or quizzes. The Malays? Some will spend the first JPA allowance on a motorbike. There will be one or two groups that will make an effort to copy the Chinese, but if you're on the dean's list all the time, you're too smart for the rest of us. Maybe you've got a spiritual guide? You're chummy with the prof lah, that's why. Etc....

The way I see it, envy is a problem of all mankind. But the Chinese, they will use envy to better themselves. The Malays, on the other hand, their envy makes them paranoid.

That's all I have to say for now. I've got to pick up D from school.

p.s. "Pakcik" (old boyfriend) called me up 3 days ago. It's been one year? two years? oh well, yonks, since he last called. He suggested to meet and catch up. Should I? Hmmm.